The C Word

Cancer was definitely not on my 2025 Bingo card, but in January I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer. I was told it was a “good cancer”, and early detection would make a big difference. I am grateful that I was able to keep my breast and didn’t have to go through chemo. So many people suffer so many awful things through this disease. However, if I pretended it was all a cake walk, I would be lying. Almost a month after my 20 radiaition treatments, I am still too exhausted to bathe most days and struggling to get back to me. I know that someday, I will be my wacky, wonderful self again, but yesterday wasn’t that day, and today hasn’t been either.

I am trying to find grace for myself for taking so long to heal. My body has been through so much in this life, and I’ve gone through two major surjeries (a hysterectomy in August) in the last nine months. I know my body needs rest but wrestle with the guilt of not being able to contribute to the work force in a society that places so much worth and importance on what you can produce. I am so much more than my lack of productivity, so much more than my diagnoses, even if half of the time I feel like a useless lump.

My body and mind deserve patience and grace. There are so many things I want to be doing or feel guilty for not doing, but I am doing the most important work of healing. One of these days, I will feel like myself again, and it will be because of this time I took to heal.

For more information on my cancer journey visit my Caring Bridge

https://www.caringbridge.org/site/b9019832-d507-11ef-a2a9-5f313b224990